Home (2-2)

They say home is where the heart is,

but if I hate my home, does that make me heartless?

See “home sweet home” are words I never utter,

I shudder at the thought of me being caged in my cell.

Piss-colored walls that breathe down my neck

are my escape from the wreck that is my every day;

my “you do nothing,” my “you say nothing,”

my “I mean nothing,”

to you. To anyone.

Do I?

If I left tomorrow, would you bat an eye,

would you cry, would you say anything to anyone?

Or would it just be another Tuesday to you?

 

Rather than sink in your judgment and hate

I create a life outside of you,

a life outside of me,

and I exist there instead.

Because to be here, is to be at the gallows pole,

praying for the bells to chime,

to save me from this place,

this place you call home, but I call hell.

 

Well I’m tired of praying

because nobody answers,

so I’ll ring the bell myself,

and say goodbye to you.

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4 responses to “Home (2-2)

  1. Such certainty “i mean nothing” mixed with, what feels like, this aching desire to be proven wrong “do i?” It’s heartwrenching…
    “my “you do nothing,” my “you say nothing,”
    my “I mean nothing,”
    to you. To anyone.
    Do I?”

  2. i love the way you open this poem- it portrays self-reflection and yet vividly describes the hell you must call home. there is solace to be found in “I create a life outside of you, / a life outside of me, / and I exist there instead.” there is hope beyond the aching and unhappiness – there is a strength that will overcome the hell. there is this questioning of what you mean and if you matter and search for what someone else sees/thinks/feel. glad you’re doing 30/30 and i get to read your poems again !! good stuff.

  3. I agree with Allison, it is great to be able to read all of you, so much talent and creativity. This poem is so well written, the speaker’s emotions are intense and raw. The day the speaker is able to call home ‘sweet home’ he’ll be a very happy person!

  4. Literally, loved this poem. The beginning – flawless. I fell in love with the first line. Home is where the heart is, but if i hate my home does that make me heartless? Beautiful

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